Shabbat Toldot
Friendships Worth Having
2011
When I was younger, as my parents will tell you, I would initiate our Thanksgiving meal by asking everyone at the table to say something they were thankful for. Although I don’t recall specifics, I’m sure most of us can recall the basics, and will sometimes have larger things to be thankful for during the holiday season, such as defeat over a medical condition, or a loved one reconnecting, etc.
However, one thing I always mentioned, and others always mentioned too, was that of the blessing of friendship. Whether it is a specific person that was there for you when you most needed it, or just a general thanks for the people who make our lives and days better, friendship and our true friends are sometimes what we are most grateful for.
In this week’s Torah portion, Toldot, we encounter a false friend. Isaac has settled in the Land of Gerar. Abimelech, the King of the Philistines pretends to befriend Isaac, who is dependent on the King. Isaac fears his life from the lust of others at the sight of Rebekah. Abimelech then charges his people to not harm Isaac or Rebekah. Isaac becomes wealthy in Gerar, and becomes the envy of the King. Abimelech advises Isaac “Go away from us, for you have become far too big for us.” (Gen 26:16). Isaac no longer depends on the king as he has prospered and “reaped a hundredfold” (Gen 26:12).
Isaac resettles and again prospers, and receives G-d’s blessing. Upon realization that Abimelech could again benefit from a friendship with Isaac, Abimelech asks of Isaac a formal friendly relationship, “We now see plainly that the L-rd has been with you… let us make a pact with you that you will not do us harm, just as we have… always dealt kindly with you and sent you away in peace.” (Gen 26:28-29).
Conditional friendship, I suppose would be a fitting term to apply here. I fear modernity applies this notion of friendships far more than the true Jewish view. An ancient Hassidic tale tells us of two friends who were separated by war. One visits the other in the night and is falsely accused of being a spy, and is sentenced to die. The man pleads with the king for time to return home and set his affairs in order. When the king asks the man what will be his surety to return, his friend agrees to the condition that should the first man not return, he would take his place under the sword.
The time passed and the sword about to descend, when the first friend reappeared to take his friend’s place. Both plead to be killed in place of the other, and upon seeing this, the king pardons them both, asking only to be a part of their true friendship (Jellinek’s Bet HaMidrash). Isn’t that the friend we want by our side?
Rabbi Noah Weinberg writes, “Humanity is one unit.” Our lives can change with the blink of an eye, places, times all change, but our relationships remain somewhat static. All of us have had that “aha” moment when recalling past friendships or relationships since dissolved, wondering where that person is, and getting in touch with them to find out the reason you stopped talking (if still remembered) wasn’t worth the friendship.
Times change. Things get more difficult and trying, or easier and happier. But our relationships really are what make those transitions bearable. True friendship is a strong bond. As humans we have an innate ability to push those bonds, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Yet the bond still is there.
We don’t want a friendship like Abimelech and Isaac’s. Most could recall a relationship that went sour, we want that relationship back but also don’t because we’d “give in to the other guy” or whatever. We want the relationship between the two Jews and the king. Mark Twain once wrote: “The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.”
The relationships we chose ought not be like that of Isaacs. Not a tool to be used, only to be discarded when they no longer serve us. Rather they should be cherished and guarded. The words of the Psalmist come alive, “Hinei mah tov um’nayim, shevet achim gam yachad. Behold how great it is when brothers and sisters dwell together.” (Ps. 115:1). That’s what we are after. That sense of unity good friends have is a gift we all can give another person, whomever, wherever, and how many we choose.
Life is hard. I’m a college student and starting to figure that out. But it would be a lot harder if it weren’t for my friends and family. True relationships endure. May our friendships exceed our speech, and our actions foster our hearts. Rabbi Bradley Artson writes: “True friendship is a form of hesed, love that need not be continually earned, caring that is its own justification.” May we work to share our lives through that love, hesed. And may we truly wish those around us with shalom, with peace.
Shabbat Shalom.
Dog/ cat: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipVVjl5IOnMrNH1cTml3lQNE97Xxyeudq1UOZhP_veZ2a9rcg_CtcgZJOs9qscqqoC2U5PNtWdSbc4OFZoJS-__tXnmtUcixs_YRV33g7Z7D2rCHC9Cq52Ar62y2yAT46LtHgTNj-kienF/s400/unusual_animal_friendships_1.jpg
Friendship: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtHGKUy6Hhv2s7-VbL-6ZGFjS-hLrpNQ4k1Kco2yHCmpk1lXaRCHtBQP2FjFVsYcMUR65Qmvw0QhMqyKvARcXnSCXZNLgrQyhpsQGanbXdsSccpD0NMoYWGSxTWn-M1EpurVoNMg9hi5s-/s1600/friendship-wallpaper.jpg
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