I dedicate this post to my beloved baby "sister", our greyhound Elsie, who was a true source of light and and a blessing for our family to become hers.
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Zichronah l'vracha, May her memory be for a blessing.
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As I begin write this, I am on my way to Chicago. I was debating whether or not to write a new blog post, as right now things are- let me just say that I have woken up from whatever sleep I get hoping it's all a nightmare. I am not necessarily feeling the most spiritual or devout right now, nor is my family. So I was honestly leaning towards not writing a new post. That changed (obviously).
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| From Oh Happy Grey on Facebook |
As I was getting situated in my seat, checking Facebook, I saw a picture on my NewsFeed from Oh Happy Grey! and immediately had to fight back tears because I was thinking of my dear Elsie. As we began to climb out of Phoenix, over the clouds that covered the skies in Arizona yesterday as we bid her farewell, I felt a sense, not of just the Sh'chinah (Devine Presence), but of her. I felt as if I was getting closer to her. I knew I needed to write.
Rather than concentrate on her untimely passing, that is not how I would like to remember her. In short, within two days our dear girl went from wagging tail to panting and pain. She was found to have widespread and inoperable cancer throughout her intestines. To end her pain and to set her free, we put her to sleep on Tuesday afternoon.
To anyone who has lost a pet, you know quite well the emotions my family and I are experiencing. This has not been the first, and it will not be the last. However that fact gives us no comfort. The question we all have found ourselves asking in the past 72 hours is "how could this happen?" We just want an answer, we want some solace. We want "one more."
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| Commander and Elsie on their rug |
One more tail wagging...
One more wet nose lick...
One more stare from her deep brown eyes...
One more bark...
One more "roo"
She was certainly an interesting pup. As some may know, my parents and I have always been animal lovers. Whether it was my mom finding a mutt on the side of the TSP in Westchester New York, the cat that started living with us, the guinea pigs we nursed to health from pneumonia... twice... with a nebulizer... We have always held our four-legged friends as adopted children. They were and are a continuing source of blessing and light for us all.
Our most recent animal adventure began around seven years ago around '05-'06. I was twelve turning thirteen and preparing for my Bar Mitzvah, the point which marks a child's transition towards adulthood. When a young man or lady becomes B'nei Mitzvah (Heb. lit: "Children of the commandment), they may be counted in a minyan, the quorum needed to pray publicly. They are made to begin to take responsibility for their actions and inactions, in regards to others, themselves, to Judaism, to G-d, to tradition and to the world.
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| Elsie and her "brother" Commander, romping in the N. Arizona Snow |
Jewish tradition speaks highly of mitzvot which concern the idea of ben adam l'chaveiro
. The Tanakh, (Hebrew Bible), Rabbinic literature (Talmud, Mishneh) and Jewish theology and practice are a plethora of these instances:
“When you come across your enemy’s ox or donkey wandering, you must be sure to take it backto him. If you see the donkey of a man who hates you lying helpless under its load, you must refrain from deserting him; you must be sure to help him unburden the animal. (1)
“It is forbidden to sit down to your own meal before you have fed your pets and barnyard animals. As it says, ‘and I will give feed to your animals,’ and only after that does the verse say ‘and you shall eat and be satisfied. (2)
“We must emulate G-d’s ways. Concerning G-d it is written, ‘And [G-d’s] mercy is upon all [G-d’s] creatures’; so we, too, show our mercy to animals.” (3)
“One must not only refrain from causing an animal pain but actively intervene to relieve it….[W]e are obligated to assist an animal; and, on the Sabbath, this obligation takes precedence over all rabbinic restrictions.” (4)
Something interesting to note, is that Jewish tradition never anticipated animals to become “pets.” The references made here are to animals which worked, plowing fields, serving their human masters. In today’s world, while this occurs, most of our interactions are with pets, or, in my family, our four-legged children.
Aside from these responsibilities we are enjoined to uphold for our animal friends, there is something that they do for us. Something not described by the Rabbis, or Torah, or the Prophets and Writings. Pets, specifically, show us unconditional love. Jewish Tradition calls this sort of love chesed, lovingkindness. This is the kind of love experienced between G-d and the people Israel. The kind of love we all hope to have in our lives. The love that is unending, strong, and eternal.
While going through the past several days, spiritually, I've found myself struggling with many of the questions that plague our psyche in re theology.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
How do you mourn a pet "Jewishly"?
Is G-d there and listening to me?
Although I've had a few more, I think this is more than enough for this blog post.
Why do bad things happen to good people (in this case, an amazing dog, or my family)?
I don't think one can ever describe an answer to this to satisfy everyone. I definitely recommend reading these articles from About.com | Judaism by Rabbi Shraga Simmons, this converse explanation from Rabbi Aron Moss (Chabad), and this excerpt from Rabbi Harold Kushner at My Jewish Learning. The comments from Rabbis Simmons and Kushner are perhaps my favorite in regards to responses in Judaism to suffering, pain and Divinity. I have read Kushner's book When Bad Things Happen to Good People and highly recommend it. I am writing about this at more length in an upcoming post! It's a long subject.
How do you mourn a pet "Jewishly"?
As stated before, one looking to tradition will not find much mention by the Sages of animals as "pets." This was not the common practice. However if animals that "work" for us, and serve us, should we not treat the animals which we welcome into our home with equal if not higher respect? For myself, my family, and many friends and others, our pets are often our "other children." Taking a role of a baby which depends on human hand to survive. There is a distinction in Jewish tradition and secular society that animals are not human, however for many, that line of distinction is increasingly blurred.
Unfortunately, while my searches on the internet turned up mostly negative, I did find commentary from many who suggest while it may not be appropriate to say Kaddish for an animal, one may find other ways to memorialize and pay tribute to a lost pet.
This Post on MySpace felt like it fit my response to a "t"...
To some this will seem a bit odd that I did these actions for a pet bird and that I am blogging about it. As a society we do a very bad job when dealing with death and grief. Even worse when the death is that of a pet's. I am almost expecting some negative commentary tomorrow that I actually took a day off from work because of Shammai's death. However, I don't really care about the opinions of those who can not understand the heart break of losing a pet.
From Mazor Net, the following prayer is offered, note, it does not contain G-d's name.
“Barukh atah she’lo chisar b’olamo davar.”
Blessed are You in whose world nothing is lacking.
It is filled with wonderful animals that bring joy and companionship to human beings.
Out of hours spent scouring the interwebz, I really found no concrete way to say goodbye. My dad mentioned Elsie's name in shul, we lit a candle to show her memory remained in light in our lives. My best idea would be to follow your heart. I did, and I feel better for doing so, as I believe my family is as well. I will note this piece from the Hebrew Union College seminary was helpful to a degree. Below are some more appropriate poems, writings and resources that helped me, and will hopefully help you.
B'shalom,
In peace,
Sean S
Resources:
http://srqjew.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/mourning-pets/
http://forward.com/articles/155303/sitting-shiva-for-spot/?p=1
http://www.jewishvaluesonline.org/697
http://aftergadget.wordpress.com/grief-resources/jewish-resources-for-mourning-a-dog-with-inclusive-mourners-kaddish/
http://huc.edu/kalsman/articles/Offel_WhenABelovedPetDies.pdf
http://www.thejc.com/judaism/rabbi-i-have-a-problem/can-one-sit-shivah-a-dear-friend-happens-be-animal
Prayer for the Death of a Beloved Pet
By Rabbi Barry H. Block
O Lord our God, we come before You this day in sadness. (Pet’s name), who brought us so much joy in life, has now died. (His/Her) happy times in our family’s embrace have come to an end. We miss (pet’s name) already.
Help us, O God, to remember the good times with (pet’s name). Remind us to rejoice in the happy times (he/she) brought to our home. Let us be thankful for the good life we were blessed to give to (him/her).
We are grateful to You, God, for creating (pet’s name), for entrusting (him/her) to our care, and for sustaining (him/her) in our love for a measure of time. We understand that all that lives must die. We knew that this day would come. And yet, O God, we would have wanted one more day of play, one more evening of love with (pet’s name).
O God, as we have taken care of (pet’s name) in life, we ask that You watch over (him/her) in death. You entrusted (pet’s name) to our care; now, we give (him/her) back to You. May (pet’s name) find a happy new home in Your loving embrace.
As we remember (pet’s name), may we love each other more dearly. May we care for all Your creatures, for every living thing, as we protected the blessed life of (pet’s name). May (his/her) memory bless our lives with love and caring forever. Amen.
“Religion embraces both faith and action.The primary quality is action,for it lays the foundation for faith;the more we do good,the more readily do we grasp the meaning of duty and lifeand the more readily do we believe in the Divinefrom which stems the good.”—from Mishkan T’filah, 425.
